God Cannot Lie
January 15th marked the 7th anniversary of the passing of my mom, sister, and brother-in-law. As I was thinking about the events surrounding their deaths, I wanted to write about it. Bits and pieces will come together throughout this blog, but please keep me in your prayers as I seek the Lord in writing out the details in a book. To make a long story short and so you are not held in suspense for the entire post, there was a domestic dispute between my brother-in-law, sister and mom. It was later determined that he shot my mom and sister and then himself.
I wanted to share one pivotal moment in the midst of this tragedy that I believe kept me from completely losing my mind. So much happened that weekend. The one thing that I determined as I sat on the couch all night unable to fall asleep was that God CANNOT lie! I didn't really have any scripture to back it up at the time. Now I know Titus 1:2 that specifically says in the NIV "...which God, who does not lie..." I knew God was commonly referred to as the God of truth. We had been in a relationship for a long time so I felt like I knew a lot about who He was. He is the way, the TRUTH, and the life. He reiterates over and over and over again in scripture that He is TRUTH and that He only speaks TRUTH. I logically deduced that if He is truth, then He cannot lie. That night I talked to God in my head. The conversation seemed very one sided since I couldn't seem to stop thinking. It wasn't super spiritual or comforting at all. I didn't have any kind of encounter with Him that reassured me everything would be okay. Only one scripture came to mind that entire night of thinking and it was Romans 8:28. I remembered it in NKJV so I must've learned it in my childhood. It says, "And we know now that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." I only remembered "He works all things together for good..." I realized later that I learned half scriptures when I was younger so I decided to commit this entire verse to memory. I lived on this verse for nearly a year. I didn't know HOW God was going to work it together for my good, but He said He would. I didn't believe it in my heart at first. I just knew it in my head. I reminded myself that God would work it together for my good even if things looked hopeless. I told myself these words over and over and over again. Every time I began to wonder how I would go on, I reminded myself of this scripture and of the truth. I had just finished reading the Hunger Games and for some reason it stuck with me to tell myself the truth when I felt like my emotions were getting out of control. The truth of how they died was brutal, but it also included the truth that God was working it together for my good. I clung to this truth like my life depended upon it, and I believe it did! Holding onto this truth helped me let God love me when I felt the most unlovable. I'd love to tell you that I was only sad for a little while, but even with standing on this verse and having relationship with the Lord, I entered a deep depression (a dark night of the soul as some would call it). I didn't even get help until 8 months later because of my religiousness. God was so good to bring my husband's best friend, his wife, and two kids to come live with us right before all of this happened. I was never home alone and they told on me to my husband when things got really bad. I never saw it, but realized that if they were saying something to Shawn, I should probably look into getting help.
Fast forward 7 years. I am on the other side of HOW God worked this tragic event together for my good. I saw many people come to Christ as a result of their funeral. My sister's kids being two of them!! It took such a big shock to pull them out, and I am so thankful for that! My niece was my best friend until we turned 15 and she moved out. God restored that relationship and now we talk every single day, we minister together, interpret dreams together, and are better friends than we ever were. God didn't just restore to the original, He restored and exceeded the old. I never expected Him to radically transform the lives of my sister's kids, but He has and still is! There is so much good that He has worked together in so many people's lives connected to our family that it is impossible to list it all here. I faced every fear major fear that I had in a 24 hour period that weekend my family was killed. I am walking in freedom from fear of death, fear of man, and so many others attached to that. What the enemy means for evil, the Lord turns around and uses for our good. I'm sure Satan was convinced that I would curse God because he saw me crying in my bed any time the thought came of my mom dying. But God! I thought I knew who God was before all of this. I thought we had a strong and close relationship. I realized that I wasn't as close to Him as I thought. I didn't think I could love Him more. By letting Him love on me, comfort me, and by trusting His Word, I came to love God so much more on the other side of this. I now know Him as a mom and my kids are learning who He is as a Memaw! I miss them dearly, but if having them here means going back to the way our relationship was, I wouldn't do it. I am so madly in love with Him and trust Him with my life and the lives of my family members that I cannot imagine going back to the way things were between us. Even to this day, I am not satisfied with how close we are. I NEED MORE!
My prayer for you as you read this is that you will look for God in the trial and that you will remember He cannot lie. What truth about God carries you through the trials? What promise has He given to you? Pick it back up and hold onto it for dear life. His Word is truth and it will not return to Him void. He is faithful to complete it! I have come across so many scriptures that I do not understand and that in first reading them seem to contradict what I know or have experienced of God's character, but Holy Spirit brings understanding if we will only ask and patiently wait and BELIEVE ANYWAY. And let God love you through the pain and the heartbreak.